Like all dummies, we start our new food-life by searching online for alternate ways of eating – because we still haven’t learned that the internet is the most efficient device for hurling oneself to the dank bottom of a wormhole of despair.
Just such a spiraling internet search may go (and has gone) like this:
“Ok, how can I change what we eat so that it has no dairy or egg in it?”
“Oh look, vegan recipes don’t have dairy”
“And they don’t have eggs”
“Sweet! That was easy!”
. . .
“Ok, I also need to become a marathon runner”
“And hiss like a cat at anything indulgent . . . ever . . . especially evil sugar”
“And only buy organic food”
“What the hell is a Kiwano?”
“I can’t afford this”
. . .
“Ohhhhhh my gawwwwwd, my kitchen must be sparkling clean and impeccably decorated”
“And my kids should sit in clean white linen outfits quietly watching me cook while I smile lovingly at them”
“Guess I can’t yell ‘stop licking my leg while I am trying to cook and go wash those grubby hands’ at them anymore”
“Not only do I need to change the way I eat, I need to change LITERALLY EVERYTHING about my life.”
(Sobs, sobs, sobs)
. . .
Shhhh, Shhhh, my sweet. Calm. Calm yourself. Go right now, before reading any further, and get your favorite indulgence – pour yourself a beer or coffee with (you guessed it) sugar in it, or grab your favorite stuffed animal and then come back to me . . .
Now, deep breath and repeat our new mantra: “I don’t need to change everything. I just need to change the things I need to change. Forget the rest. Cheers.”